How to DM a Girl on Instagram – Best Tips + 10 Great Examples

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Starting a conversation with a girl can feel a bit scary, especially if you try to do it through Instagram and not by speaking eye to eye.

Instagram has become one of the most popular platforms for connecting with people, and plenty of people use it to reach out to girls or boys they like.

If you, too, want to contact your dream girl but don’t know how to DM a girl on Instagram the right way, this guide will help you out.

18 Tips on How to DM a Girl on Instagram

Learning how to DM a girl on Instagram is not hard, but it requires a bit of courage to make the first move and send that message.

These are some of the best tips and tricks that will help you not only send that first message but also impress the girl, so she agrees on a first date.

How to DM a Girl on Instagram

1. Confidence is the key

Confidence will take you a long way in life and in romantic relationships, so always act like the most confident guy around.

When you know your worth, and you know there are so many things you can offer to a woman, they will sense it and start being a lot more interested in you.

It will show her that you are genuinely interested in her, not only trying to boost your ego or seduce as many women as possible.

Although it may sound weird, men are not that courageous and confident these days, and trust me, when a girl sees that someone has decided to make an effort and contact her politely, she will be very happy and willing to give him a chance.

2. Add humor to the conversation

Once you have managed to start the conversation, don’t start asking questions like you are interrogating her – you want to give off a cool vibe, so add a joke here and there.

I don’t recommend using those tacky pickup lines you hear on the internet all the time, but if you have things in common or you are just good at playing with words, then there is space for some humor.

However, don’t tell jokes about women or their looks because she can easily get offended, even if it isn’t related to her in any context.

3. Be yourself

One of the best pieces of dating advice you will ever hear is to just be yourself because whenever you try faking it and pretending to be someone you’re not, you and the girl you like will be disappointed.

Talk sincerely about your life, the things you like, and what you want from a relationship, and don’t try to present yourself in a different light because it can ruin the dating process significantly.

You won’t be able to pretend for too long, and once you reveal your true self, you risk losing her forever because no one wants to deal with a guy who tells lies about himself.

4. Be honest about your intentions

Guys these days approach girls all the time, and they are mostly looking for a casual hookup, which wouldn’t be that bad if they were upfront about it.

If you have decided to approach this girl, then you definitely want something from her, and she will respect you a lot more if you tell her in the beginning what it is that you’re looking for, whether it is just a hookup or a serious relationship.

Men are rarely honest about their intentions, and if you state what you want from the start, most women will be surprised by your honesty and decide to give you a chance even if they don’t think of you as a potential partner.

5. Reply to her Instagram stories

Replying to her Instagram stories is the easiest way to start a conversation without creating a weird situation or coming off as a creep.

instagram story reply

If you feel weird sending a private message out of nowhere or are looking for a way to continue the conversation without forcing things too much, replying to an Instagram story is the best choice.

In case you reply to a story by commenting on something the two of you have in common, it will leave an even better first impression.

6. Take time with your replies

Most men make a mistake and respond instantly, without thinking too much about the message they’re sending, which can easily lead to misunderstandings.

Don’t rush things, and always take your time to come up with an insightful reply or comment because you don’t want to be perceived incorrectly.

While speed is an important factor when you are texting women, it is also important not to reply until you come up with a message that makes sense because a random answer can make you look silly and uninterested.

7. Don’t DM her if you had one too many drinks

If you have just come from a night out, saw her last post, and thought she is beautiful, the worst thing you can do is text her and tell her that.

Don't DM her if you had one too many drinks

She will see that you have sent her that message after you come home from a night out, and when a girl receives a message at 3 am, she won’t think you are serious or interested in her.

You are also prone to writing stupid things if she responds to your message, so it is always much better to wait until you’re sober because you don’t want to ruin your chances with her.

8. Compliment her on her personality or interests

Most guys compliment women solely on their looks, but if you take the time to compliment her ambition, knowledge, and other personality traits, you will truly impress her.

This is a genuine compliment, and it will show you are sincerely interested in her as a person and that you believe she has a lot to offer.

9. Be a gentleman

Being a gentleman means that you are flirting with her but never taking it too far or using sexual jokes to catch her attention.

A gentleman knows how to make a woman feel good and whenever he sees that she may be feeling uncomfortable during the date or conversation, he will redirect it and evaluate her feelings.

10. Proofread your messages

Women pay a lot of attention to grammar, and they judge men by this a lot, so if you want to leave a great impression, you might take a few seconds of your time to proofread everything you send.

Although mistakes happen when you are nervous and trying to come up with a good message as fast as possible, take an extra moment and fix any spelling mistakes.

It will also help you avoid misunderstandings and remove any words or phrases that may cause confusion while texting.

11. Check if you have mutual friends

Social media apps allow you to send a message to anyone, but if you have mutual friends and are circulating in a similar circle, it will be much easier to establish contact and leave a good impression on this girl.

Check if you have mutual friends

If you know some of her friends, it would be great if you mentioned it and said you were interested in her ever since you heard Mark talking about how great she is or since you saw her at that local bar while having a drink.

This will help her realize you are not a creep and that you have seen her several times with your acquaintances, so you decided to reach out and get to know her better.

12. Don’t talk only about yourself

The worst thing you can do while texting a girl you like is talk only about yourself, so keep your high self-esteem on the side if you want a successful relationship with this woman.

Take the time to discuss things she enjoys too, and then try to find a common topic without bragging about yourself all the time because that’s what will push a woman away even if she finds you extremely good-looking.

13. Get to know her

You don’t need to act like that super cool unavailable guy to get the woman you want – all you need to do is start talking and asking her questions that will help you get to know her.

Don’t be afraid to ask her about her life, career, family, or things you have a mutual interest in because it will make her feel seen and valued, making you look much better.

The key is to connect with people in a meaningful way, not just to start sending repeated messages to gather as much information as you can.

14. Don’t ask for nudes

Never ask a girl for nudes, no matter how long you have been texting or seeing each other.

This is the worst behavior you can show as a man, and although it may not be malicious, and you want to enjoy the beauty of her body, if you are not in a committed relationship, this is something you need to avoid asking.

15. Don’t be afraid to ask her out

Women will rarely take the initiative and propose a date, so if you are sure you want to get to know her better, don’t be afraid to ask her out.

You probably shouldn’t be doing it after an hour of texting, but if she is responding to your texts and you have been in touch for a few days now, then she is definitely interested in you and will probably agree to go out without too much thinking.

16. Don’t use tacky pickup lines

The worst way to start a conversation and communicate with a girl you genuinely like is by using cringe pickup lines you can find online.

Don't use tacky pickup lines

Every other guy is doing this, and it will look like you’re not taking her seriously and you don’t find her worth the effort.

Even a simple Hi or Hello is much better than I hope you know CPR because you just took my breath away, so if you want to impress her, avoid these lines altogether.

You may add them as a joke from time to time, but only when you have already established some sort of communication, and you know she won’t feel offended but laugh it off.

17. Focus on common interests

Sending a direct message is hard, but when you know this girl has similar interests as you, it is a lot easier to start a conversation and bond over something.

For that reason, when you two start communicating, the best thing you can do is find topics and things you have in common and center the conversation around them.

It will show her you are compatible and help you become closer because you will look like someone they could work with in real life.

18. It’s okay if things don’t work out

The dating pool is wide, and if the girl you have a crush on doesn’t seem to be responding to your messages or doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere, it is okay to part ways.

Not every relationship has to succeed, and just because you like someone doesn’t mean they feel the same way, so it is best not to force things and focus on yourself.

10 DM Examples You Can Send

Most guys think it is extremely hard to come up with a good first message that will sweep the girl off her feet, but the truth is, even the most simple sentences can make you look interesting.

These are some of the DM examples you can use to DM a girl you like through Instagram, so use the one that suits you the best.

  • Hey, I liked the song/place/ food you posted in your story; what’s the name of it?
  • Saw you with Amy/Jim last night, and you caught my attention; I thought it would be nice if you knew that.
  • I saw you like Monet too, did you go to the new impressionist exhibition in town?
  • I thought I was the only one who loved Arctic Monkey around here, but I see you’re a fan of it, too, could you possibly be my soulmate?
  • Hey, I really like your vibe, thought that maybe you could give me a shot.
  • What did the ocean say to the beach?
  • Did you hear a joke about a guy sliding into a random girl’s DM and her falling in love?
  • I’m shy, but I might go out of my comfort zone for a girl as alluring as you.
  • You are so cool, I love your posts and take on everything!
  • Your selfies are lit, but you look like a very cool person in every way possible.

These are some of the non-cringe DMs you can send to a girl and hope for a good outcome, and they will work much better than tacky pickup lines you can find online.

If you have come up with other message ideas, they could be a good option, too; make sure you are not pushing things too much or sending her something that may come off as inappropriate.

How Do You Tell If a Girl Likes You?

Even when the two of you meet in real life, go out on a date, or a few of them, it can still be very hard to determine whether she likes you or not.

However, there are some clear signs that this girl is deeply interested in you and is willing to take your connection to another level.

If a girl truly likes you, these are some of the things she will be doing consistently.

girl approval

She maintains intense eye contact

A girl that knows what she wants and knows how to get it will always maintain strong eye contact, whether you are chatting at a cafe or saying Hello in the streets.

If she is always gazing at you, maintaining eye contact even when you have been talking for hours, then you have nailed the game, and she is sincerely interested in you.

She is making an effort to see you

When a girl is into you, she will fit you into her plans even if she only has an hour or needs to reschedule things to make it to the date.

If she tells you that she is not available on a certain day, but she instantly comes up with another date, then you can be sure she is trying to make an effort and take the time of the day to spend some time with you.

She remembers things you tell her

Women remember everything, and if she casually mentions something you have talked about on the first date or a random fact about you that was mentioned just once, it is not a coincidence – she is carefully listening to you and trying to get to know you better.

She will even remind you of something that caught her attention, and that’s when you know she’s the real deal.


Contacting a girl on Instagram can feel scary, but once you realize what they are looking for and what type of man will catch their attention, things will flow easily.

If you were unsure whether you should DM a girl you like or not, after reading this guide, you should be 100% prepared and ready for the first move.


What are questions to ask a girl?

You can ask a girl whatever you want, but for starters, the best questions should be those about her likes, interests, career, and the topics you have in common because they will make the atmosphere more enjoyable and keep the conversation flowing.

How do you start a conversation with a girl on Instagram?

You can DM a girl in any way you want, but the best conversation starter is related to the topics and interests you have in common or mutual friends.

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Mell is one of the Stream Mentor's co-founders and a versatile content writer. She's helping other streamers get their visuals right, set the right panel, use the right lighting, install overlays properly and boost the stream quality to a great extent.

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